I blame myself for waiting so long to end it.

I hate to say it or even admit it...but my heart was broken. Torn into pieces that I am now trying to put back together again, but it is so much harder than I anticipated. I thought it would be easier if I hated you...tried that... didn't work. Lord knows you have given me more than enough reason to hate you, but they just won't stick. My head and my heart always remember how happy being with you made me, and the butterfly feelings I had when you first told me you loved me.

Did you really love me? Or was that just another one of the many lies you told me? I really didn't understand how you fell in love with me so quickly, but now I realize you fall into love just as quickly as you fall out of love. You don't know what love really is do you? That's so sad, and as a consequence I was given your half-ass tainted with deceit love that I honestly never wanted. Don't get me wrong, I did want to be in love, but not with someone who couldn't ever truly love me back. You played me!

I've wasted so much time trying to figure out the best way to show you my love, to help you to understand that my love was real, but all along to you love was just another four letter word to you, just like f*ck and sh*t. Your love was clouded with insecurities and paranoia that I wasn't being satisfied, but in all honesty you satisfied me more than anyone ever had. Well your emotional short comings really f*cked with my emotions and now I feel like sh*t. I don't really know how to get over these feelings, or how to get over you, but I know I will eventually. I just hope you never ever put anyone through what you put me through!

I can't believe I wasted so much time with someone I was probably never meant to be with. Time is one thing you can never get back, and I wish so much that I didn't waste so much of it on you. You never deserved me, and I knew that but I ignored my own feelings because making you happy was more of a priority. I truly thought that I could make you happy, but the only thing that makes you happy is alcohol, drugs, and sex. You really couldn't handle a real woman like me, I guess that's why we fought all the time. I'm not controllable. I will not jump at your every whim. But I did truly love you and would have done anything for you...I hope you know that. Even after you did all of the horrible things you did to me...I never stopped loving you. My love is not like a faucet that can be turned off once the water begins to over flow. I loved you unconditionally, good and bad, and love like that is hard to come by. Yeah you lied to me from the beginning to cover the truth, but even when I discovered the true...the real ugly truth...I accepted you and loved you for you.

Maybe that was my mistake. I should have known better and should have had higher standards for myself. I mean, knowing what I do know about you, do I really want to be with someone like you? I have seem many great women ruined by the downfalls their significant others endured, and I would rather be alone than to let someone else's drug, lying, or infidelity habits ruin what I've worked so hard to achieve in my life. I have a lot going for myself and in order to prosper in life I need to be with someone who is going to motivate me to even greater heights, not bring me down with their "my mother didn't love me" bull ish.

It's true... you got issues, and you seem to let them control your life one way or another. Believe me when i tell you this...drinking yourself stupid every night will not make the pain you feel inside go away. Yeah it numbs the pain, but you will always carry that pain with you. The saddest part is that your issues will always effect your life and the relationships you have with other people. It doesn't take a genius to realize the reason you lie so much is because you are ashamed of who you are and what you have become.

But I will say this, I fell in love with who you are, not what you are. What you are is the lying, stealing, cheating PIECE OF SH*T. But who you are is the first man that ever took me apple picking, and the first man I poured my heart out to underneather a star filled sky on a late night at your parents house when they weren't home. You are the man I saw myself marrying and having a family with, and you are the one I loved the most!

Good bye!